Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Liberals

Photo courtesy @jwwhitt

D.J. Neeley | Civil Patriot

Down here in the south, we have a saying: “He’s as crazy as all get-out.” When you meet someone who can’t be reasoned with—say, a liberal—you walk away from the conversation shaking your head and mumbling those very words. 

Down here, we fly our Trump flags high and we don’t cotton to folks makin’ a stink about it. We sure don’t like to hear about how they do it in the big city, and we’d rather die than hear someone ramble on about how this country needs to change into something other than the good old U.S. of A. If it was good enough for Daddy ‘n them, it’s good enough for us. And Daddy was a Deplorable. 

All that to say, I guess I’m what you’d call a Trumpster. Good old boy. Raised in the country. God. Family. Guns. In that order. I believe in freedom of speech and the right to protest and all that, but those rioters nearly ruined it for me when they started burning down our cities last summer. 

Now, I can’t speak for their parents, but down here we’ve got a solution for kids who act like that. We call it “a whuppin.” Up north they call it abuse, I guess. But, hey, my daddy always said, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” That’s from the Bible, so it must be true. Someone spared those rioters the rod…and it shows. 

Now, I’m not blaming all of the craziness on the parents. One of the fellas in our little town had a son that turned out crazy, even though he was raised right. Goofy kid up and left when he was eighteen and now he’s living in New York City. 

New. York. City. 

Anyway, I’d like to give all of the parents out there a little talkin’ to, (as we like to call it). If my words can spare your son or daughter a life of progressive pain, all the better.  

Here are some of my best tips for how to keep your young ‘uns from turning out to be liberals. 

Start when they’re little, say, no bigger than a minnow in a fishing pond. Talk to ‘em about what’s goin’ on the world. Teach them right from wrong. And don’t be afraid to actually come out and say what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s half the problem right there—folks are scared to tell the truth. If someone doesn’t speak up, I can’t even imagine what our grandchildren will be like!

If your kids are startin’ to tip toward the progressive side, teach them how Socialism really works. Help them set up a bake sale, then fine them for not registering their business with the county. Then fine ‘em again for violatin’ child labor laws. Then tell them they have to increase the minimum wage to pay their kid brother to help. When they’re good ‘n broke, congratulate ‘em on becoming Democratic Socialists. 

If your kids are acting a little too big for their britches, you need to set ‘em straight. No, really. Don’t let ‘em talk to you like you’re one of them. If you do, they’ll be burning down cities in no time. Teach them to respect their elders and the local business owners. 

If your daughter has gumption—if she’s not afraid to argue with the other kids at school about why she’s wearing a MAGA hat—then, for pity’s sake, encourage that behavior. Give her extra pats on the back for speaking up. Not many kids do these days. Give her enough encouragement and before long she’ll be headin’ up the Young Republicans club just like you did. 

If little Johnny wants to wear his sister’s dress, don’t rush him to the doctor’s office for hormone shots to turn him into a girl. Chances are pretty good he’s just going through a phase, not makin’ a life-choice. Sure, he’s a little cattywampus right now, but remember the goofy things you did when you were a kid? You turned out okay. Mostly. 

When those kids graduate high school, for the love of all that’s holy, send ‘em to tech school or a good southern school, not some fancy university up north where the professor thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow. Many’s the professor who ruined a good kid. Just saying. 

Finally, pray for those boys and girls. (Yes, I said boys and girls.) Might not be politically correct, but they need all the help they can get. Give ‘em a good foundation, love ‘em, and let them know you’re praying. You might just be surprised at how far those prayers can take you. And who knows? Maybe that son or daughter of yours will one day sit in the Oval Office, a solid conservative, ready to lead this country in the right direction. 

Yep, I said right direction. 



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