You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid: The Hunter Biden Story

Photo courtesy @blavon

Brock Benson | Civil Patriot 

Ask me my favorite Christmas movie. Go on. . .I triple dog dare ya!

Like lots of people I’ll say, “A Christmas Story.” No, not the one with Ebenezer Scrooge, the one with nine-year-old Ralphie Parker, the kid who wants the holy grail of Christmas gifts—an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle with a compass in the stock. 

They try to warn him, of course: “You’ll shoot your eye out!” 

But Ralphie will not be deterred. Convinced there’s “no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker” he forges ahead with his request, using every available opportunity to manipulate and cajole his family, his teacher, even “the big man, the head honcho, the connection.” 

Santa Claus. 

Chaos abounds in this 1940s Christmas classic, not the least of which emerges from the cast, itself. Ralphie’s description of his father is classic: “Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.” And Ralphie’s friends Flick and Schwartz add to the entertainment when Schwartz triple-dog-dares Flick to stick his tongue to a frozen flag pole. Because he’s a goofy kid, a follower, Flick does it. . .and gets stuck. 

Sometimes kids do the darndest things, especially the ones who are followers, not leaders. They exhibit irresponsible and questionable behaviors that garner lots of attention. 

Hey, speaking of Hunter Biden, do you happen to know if his dad, Joe, is an Oldsmobile man? 

But seriously, some kids do get the BB gun. . .and they do shoot their eye out. And that, I suppose, is the theme of our modern-day Christmas tale, the one where the son actually got everything he wanted and then ended up in the headlines. 

If Hunter had listened closely to the encrypted message on his secret message decoder pen he would’ve realized that it’s not always good to get your way. Sometimes—many times, in fact—the better lesson is in not getting the thing you most desire. But some parents are keen on making their kids happy at any cost, even if it means compromising their morals.  

If I’m reading the Hunter Biden story correctly, I’d have to say he got what he wanted, and then some. He was given a life of luxury, one that many would dream of. But, like many whose dreams come true, he squandered it. In that respect, he’s a typical prodigal son. But what sets him apart is his link to money and power. The prodigal son ended up sleeping in a pig sty. Hunter? Well, he ended up sleeping somewhere else altogether.  

Back to our movie. 

In the end, Ralphie makes a catastrophic mistake.  He lets a bad word slip out. . .a very bad word. As penance, he gets a bar of soap in the mouth. 

Now, I’m not saying Hunter did anything wrong. Though I have my suspicions, I wasn’t a personal witness. And, for sure the mainstream media isn’t going to give us any more details than they have to. But I suspect his behaviors would require a truckload of soap, not just one bar. 

When will we know for sure if the photos and messages on Hunter’s laptop are the real deal? Unlike Ralphie, I’m not waiting on a Christmas miracle. But I, for one, do hope the truth comes out, not so that I can say, “I told you so” to the liberal media, but so that the son can learn his lesson. And so that the father can learn his, too. 

Some things are best brought into the light. That’s where accountability takes place. 

Speaking of which, Ralphie learns his respective life-lessons. He gets the much-anticipated BB gun for Christmas and the unthinkable happens. While firing it, the pellet bounces off the target, hits him on the cheek, knocks his glasses off, and he’s convinced he’s really shot his eye out. He hasn’t of course, though his glasses do get crushed underfoot and he’s left half-blind. 

Hunter hasn’t shot his eye out, either. But he will be feeling the effects of the shots he’s fired for the rest of his life. He’s probably staggering around in half-blindness until this season of his life is behind him. One can only hope that he will learn the necessary lessons from the road he has traveled so that his story can be fully redeemed.  

“In our world, you were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims.”
Ralphie Parker, age nine



  1. Really enjoyed this….Sorry I missed all the good lessons to be learned from it. Mention, it & I always remember the “Leg Lamp,”’& Ralphie’s having to wear that ridiculous Pink Rabbit outfit to please his Mother ! She was So Silly! Fun remembering; also Hope Hunter & his dad learned from the Story; appears not.


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